The Start of Something
by Emma95
Summary: "Cait?" he asks her quietly, having no idea what he's doing. "Do you ever think about it?" My take on how Barry finds out about the shapeshifter that kissed Caitlin and what follows from then on. One shot. Snowbarry. AU Season 1.


**The Start of Something**

A/N: This starts from nearly the end of episode 119 and follows from nearly the end of 120. A scene from the show is included.

Disclaimer: This is a Snowbarry fic, however WA will also be addressed. If you don't ship Barry and Caitlin, there's no reason to read this. I do not own the Flash or any of the characters in this story. Title inspired from the song "Start of Time" by Gabrielle Aplin.

* * *

 _Episode 119 - 'Who is Harrison Wells?'_

The little crowd in his lab gradually thins; Cisco, Eddie and Joe all head for the exit, until it is only him and Caitlin in the room, standing with their backs at the sinister proof of Wells's false identity. Her gaze is on the broad window on the far wall, her lips parted in shock. He half-turns toward her and presses his lips together.

"Caitlin... I'm sorry. I know this is difficult for you to accept..."

"All these years I've trusted him", she whispers. "I can't believe he's been deceiving us all along". She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. "I was so naive."

Barry shakes his head with force.

"No, you're not", he defends. Caitlin looks at him. Barry takes a step in her direction. She backs ever so slightly and he stops in hesitation, examining her. She's calmer than before, at the lab, but it's like a restrained terror, rather than a lack of it.

"We were all deceived", he continues in a softer, controlled tone. "You can't blame yourself. No one could have known. "

"You don't understand, Barry. Before... I didn't want to believe you. I was so certain about Wells's innocence, I was willing to visit him at his house and have a heart to heart conversation. Now I realize how idiotic that would have been."

"It's not idiotic to have faith in your friends. Your faith has helped me believe in myself countless of times, Cait. It's an amazing quality to have the courage to stand up for your value. It's not your fault that some people don't share them."

Caitlin smiles warmly, the light of the streets reflecting on her eyes. "Thank you, Barry. You really know how to make me feel better."

His eyes squeeze into a smiling expression. "Well, I might know you better than you think."

She chuckles softly and her angelic beauty captivates him for a moment. She's so... peaceful. He doesn't want to lift his eyes. After a while, he realizes he's staring, because Cait smiles awkwardly and looks away.

"Umm.. We should get going. Cisco will be waiting for us", he says, his fingers lightly brushing her elbow.

She doesn't flinch back this time, but he can feel her muscles tense. He drops his hand and catches her gaze. She gives him an awkward, guilty smile. This time, he's determined to figure out what her problem is. He blatantly searches her eyes.

"Every time I touched you today" he starts in a low voice, "you curled away. Is that because of the situation with Wells or have I done something wrong? Because if it is the latter, I need to know, Caitlin".

She meets his gaze, and wrinkles her nose. "I'm sorry". Her voice sounds clean and rational for once. "It's not something you did". She hesitates. "While you were unconscious, Bates... took your form, and thinking it was you, I told him about the serum. Anyway, I think he wanted to distract me from it, because he kind of tried to... seduce me". She spills the last words in a rush. She stares at him with eyes wide-open.

"He tried to- Oh". His gaze falls on her lips. He tries to pull it away, but it only results into an awkward flicker between her eyes and mouth. He wasn't expecting that answer. The silence stretches for a few seconds. He can't fathom the look in her eyes. They are hesitant and... guilty.

He strokes his cheek, wrinkling his nose. "You slapped me", he recalls.

"Sorry for that", she says, drawing her lips to the side.

He gives a hearty laugh and soon she joins in. His heart expands in his chest, stretching its muscles. It feels so oddly satisfying to share a laugh with her. He shakes his head, eyes growing serious.

"When I was fighting with him at the airport, he changed into you", he says in a sober voice. Caitlin's eyes round up in attention.

"I was confused at first", he continues. "I mean, I was almost certain he'd go for Iris. I was prepared for that. But when he changed into you instead, I was surprised. And completely disarmed. I thought he did it because, well, you're the most innocent-looking person I know."

Caitlin smiles.

"It was extremely difficult to fight you. I never thought he had assumed that you and me-I mean, not that I'd never consider you as someone I could - or wait, that actually sounded weird". He covers his face with his palm. Caitlin intervenes before he embarrasses himself further.

"It's okay, Barry", she smiles. "I know what you mean. And he wouldn't be the first to assume there's something between us. But we know that both our hearts are already taken".

He stares into her eyes for what seems like hours, until his gaze falls to her lips. Suddenly, he cannot help wondering what it would be like to taste them. The way she discarded the notion of a romantic relationship between them... It sounded as if she's considered it at some point. And hasn't he? Sunderly, she has opened a Pandora Box of possibilities he's been avoiding to consider. What if...

But then, she is right.

Their hearts are already taken. And now Ronnie's back.

Caitlin clears her throat and nods toward the entrance.

"Shall we?"

Barry tries to reset his mind. He waves his head. "Yeah", he breathes, before they head out.

* * *

 _Episode 120 - 'The Trap'_

"He's in the time vault!" Cisco shouts. His voice is already a memory in Barry's mind, as he fills the lab with streaks of red and gold. The wall is drawn apart when he arrives. Wells's wheelchair is stranded at the middle of the room. He steps in carefully, inspecting the room for signs of the speedster. His gaze freezes as it passes over the colorful screen occupying the entire wall opposite him. He gawks in shock, his feet easing forward without his consent. Clips-private clips-of him and his friends play on a loop. Iris with Eddie in their bed, him and the rest of the guys gathered at his lab at the police station or Joe's house or S.T.A.R. Labs.

"It was all a set up. We thought we set a trap for him but he set a trap for us", he mumbles, his eyes skimming over the videos. He stops short and draws his gaze back, not sure he's seen right. Caitlin's hands are crashed on his chest, as he devours her lips. He frowns, but he cannot give it much thought because Wells has been watching them and that means he knows exactly where-

"Oh my God. Iris!" He speeds out of the vault.

* * *

He sits on the stretcher where he's had Caitlin check his health so many times in the past. His knees are tucked into his arms as he shakes back and forth nervously. There's a dim light in the lab, mainly from the computer screens and the machines in the room.

He's failed again. He keeps failing. Still, it's worse this time. Because he actually had a plan, he had a clear chance to vindicate his father. And not only did it fall flat, but it also cost him a friend. Eddie is kept God knows where. He doesn't know how many more times he'll have to lose before he hits the limit of desperation, but he feels like he's flirting dangerously with it.

"Hey, Barry, we'll find him, okay?" Cisco reassures him, sitting behind his computer. "Stop swinging back and forth like a psycho", he scolds him. Caitlin puts a hand on Cisco's shoulder, her gaze casted worriedly at his direction.

"Barry, we did everything we could. We couldn't have known that Wells was watching us", she tells him softly.

"That's just it, Caitlin!" He grips her eyes desperately. She flinches at his tone, but there isn't enough room in his soul to fill with guilt. He feels like his anger and disappointment has consumed him. "There's always something. Whenever I think I might be one step ahead, something happens out of my control that puts me two steps behind instead. I can never win. No matter how fast I run. It's not enough!"

Silence drops in the lab. Cisco and Caitlin both look like he just delivered them a punch. It's actually more than that. A mixture of pity and disappointment. It doesn't faze him. It only fuels his anger. It's like he's flipped over a well of bitterness and he can't stop until all the contents are out.

"Every metahuman we caught, every bad guy we put away, it was with Wells's help. Without him, we're nothing. We don't stand a chance. I know you want to believe that we're a team and that we can beat him together, but the truth is", he stands on his feet, "he created us".

He speeds away, chased by his demons and the expressions on his friends' faces. Now that all the bitterness is out, he's filled with nothing but a void in his chest. And he thinks it's funny, how emptiness weighs the most.

He runs and runs and runs. Far away from everything. Far from reality and sense. He needs to put it all back. To think.

After about half an hour of running to Star City and back, guilt finally catches up with him. He stops dead in his tracks and heads back to the lab.

Cisco's only there when he arrives. He doesn't turn his head to acknowledge his presence. He only jolts slightly in his seat. Barry hesitates at the entrance.

"Where's Caitlin?" he asks.

"I don't know, maybe you should go ask our creator", Cisco scoffs.

Barry sighs and walks to the front of him. "I'm sorry, Cisco".

He doesn't look up. Instead, he stares at his hands scraffing the surface of the desk.

"You know I didn't mean anything of that", Barry tries again.

Cisco snorts. "Certainly didn't look like it", he mutters.

Silence stretches between them. Barry is devoid of words. Cisco's right. He was completely unfair to them. No amount of anger is an excuse for him to treat his friends like that. Cisco finally huffs and rises from his seat to level his gaze. His eyes bare no hint of the bitterness that marked his voice just a minute ago. Instead, they're reaching out with understanding.

"It's okay, I know you didn't."

Barry nods with gratitude.

The emotion doesn't live long on Cisco's expression. His eyes spark. "Now instead of being an ass to your friends, go get some rest and come back tomorrow so we can start working on this as a team", he reprimands him. A smile flickers on Barry's face. He nods with compliance, happy to be back on normal terms with his friend.

"Thank you", he says earnestly.

"Yeah, yeah!" Cisco brushes him off with his hand. Barry's smile broadens as he heads to the entrance. Cisco's voice though stops him for one last time.

"Oh, and you need to apologize to Caitlin as well".

* * *

The night has wrapped around the city, replacing the hustle of the day with a stagnant quiet. He looks up at the tall apartment complex that rears before him and takes a deep breath to gather his courage.

He presses the bell and waits, tapping his foot nervously on the floor. The last time he's been here, he was carrying her drunk through the front door. The memory teases the corner of his mouth with a smile. The door buzzes open, bringing him back to reality. He quickly fixes his features, remembering his purpose here.

He flies up the building. She's waiting at the threshold when he arrives, leaning on the frame with hands folded across her chest. She doesn't look mad. But neither welcoming. Her expression is a mix of cold and mild disappointment. Or is she just tired? Should he have left it for the morning? Suddenly, he's standing all awkward there at her door, having no idea what to say or do.

"Uhh sorry I can come tomorrow if you're..." His voice trails off, waiting for her response.

She rolls her eyes. "It's okay, Barry, you can come in." She opens the door a little wider and steps aside.

He follows her awkwardly into the living room, passing his hand through his hair and fixing the hem of his shirt. He gets the chance to observe her as they walk. Her golden locks shower her shoulders and touch the skin around her neck. She's in her night clothes-not the cute pajamas he'd seen her in (well practically dressed in) the last time-these ones are a deep midnight blue and their texture looks pretty smooth with multiple folds.

They take seats on opposite sides, both leaning forward and crossing their hands over their knees. He realizes it's his queue to talk.

"Caitlin, I'm...I'm sorry. What I said to you was not fair."

"It is not me you should apologize to, Barry." Caitlin holds his gaze sharp, shaking her head. "It's yourself. All this time I've watched you surpass yourself again and again to help others, to bring justice. I've watched you face difficulties and grow from them. You-inspired me, Barry. You taught me how to be strong. And now for you to believe that all of this was the doing of a madman, that without him you're nothing? How does that honor you or anyone who's put their hopes and trust in you? How is it fair? "

Barry stares at her, feeling lost in her words, her eyes, her mouth. He nods.

"You're right," he says. He ties his gaze on the floor. "It's just that sometimes it feels like I'm never gonna win, that I'm never gonna be fast enough, that he's always going to be one step ahead." He shakes his head with devastation.

Caitlin hooks his gaze. "You've only lost when you've let yourself believe it."

He wants to let her words calm him, but his failure is too fresh to let him. Caitlin rises on her feet and comes to sit beside him. Her perfume enthralls him. He looks at her, befuddled by their sudden proximity.

"I've known loss and felt pain in my life," Caitlin started. "My father, then my fiancé. For a while, I felt that I would never be happy again, that life would always take from me. I chose to close my heart, to become cold to the world. That way I would never have to lose. But then I met you." She smiles and her eyes glimmer.

Barry's breath catches. Her beauty is mesmerizing. His cheeks burn a little. The thought comes uninvited. The shapeshifter. The fact that she kissed him, but not really him. His eyes fall momentarily to her lips. What is he doing? He scolds himself.

"...and you showed me how to laugh at life, how to turn my back at pain and stand up again. Because that's who you are, Barry. No matter how many tragedies and setbacks you meet in your life, you always keep hoping and make other people hope as well."

Her words melt his heart. There is dampness in his eyes.

"Thanks, Cait."

She tilts her head. "You're welcome."

He remembers that first month of knowing her. He'd found her a little intimidating back then, because her eyes were cold and she never responded to any fun. He recalls the first time he saw her smile, laugh with her heart. It had taken away all his senses, like a rock cracking to reveal a gem inside.

Suddenly he realizes the silence has grown and he's still looking at her. Caitlin wipes her palm on her thigh. He wonders if he's making her uncomfortable. Is she still affected by their kiss? That single question opens up a dangerous path in his mind. How did his kiss make her feel? Well, not his, but still. Is she feeling uncomfortable because she liked it or because it was awkward?

His frustration grows. Why is he having all those questions? Why is he suddenly curious about her? Is this some kind of a whim? Should he let it pass? Let the night dawn? Sleep on it?

But it doesn't feel like a whim. It feels like... He drinks her in, this time exploring her in detail. Her angelic curls are tucked on one side of her neck, her skin glows under the pale light in the living room, she's gnawing on her lips, her pupils drawn to the corners of her eyes. So he decides to no longer fight his feelings. He lets all the chaos in at once. And his eyes adjust to a different shade of her. The sensual, secretive woman full of secrets and hidden emotions. He realizes he's inhaled, but never exhaled.

His thoughts flash through his mind. When he falls into pace with reality, only seconds have passed. Quiet has consumed the walls of her apartment. The night is pitch black and soundless outside the window, like the space vacuum.

"Cait?" he asks her quietly, having no idea what he's doing.

Her head snaps and her lips part in bewilderment as she absorbs his face.

"Do you ever think about it?" he asks her, letting his gaze drop to her lips.

"Think about what..." her voice trails off as she reads his eyes.

He expects her to give him a sign, jump away from him or...lean in, but she just stands completely still. He looks up into her eyes. They're stretched out in surprise, wavering between his gaze and his mouth. That's all the confirmation he needs.

He leans in and softly takes her lower lip into his mouth. Her breath shudders, along with his. She has a keen taste, like the air after a storm. He can't cut himself away from her. He presses his mouth further into hers, letting his instincts take control. Her mouth opens under his and it takes all his restraint not to moan. His lips close over her warmth and moisture and her cool breath feathers his skin. Her light touch traces his arms upwards. He places his own hand at her waist and pulls them them both flush against each other, straightening up his body. The movement breaks the connection momentarily.

They stare into each other's eyes, Cait's hands on his shoulders, both out of breath. The second time he dives in and devours her lips with thirst, opening his mouth to let his tongue find hers. She ties her arms around his neck and presses herself closer, lifting herself a little off the couch. This almost drives him nuts. He grips her waist and pulls her onto his lap, her legs settling on either side of him. She burries her fingers into his hair and deepens the kiss with teeth and tongue. He feels as if a wild creature has woken within her. He's never seen this side of her, only glimpses.

He kisses her until he's lost every other sense, until midnight has turned to dawn and until kissing her is the only way he knows how to breathe.

They fall asleep on the couch, legs tangled and chests crushed.

"Barry, I don't regret it," says Caitlin the next morning. Her voice breaks the serenity and he turns his head to her, surprised to find her awake. Her head's on his arm and her beautiful, clever eyes are serious as they roam his face.

She must have sensed his tension. He inhales, stretching his limbs-which does interesting things to their bodies- and tosses around to face her.

"Neither do I," he says playfully.

She laughs and pushes him on the chest, which makes him laugh, too. The mood carries with him, until his soul feels light and soft like a feather.

"So what do we call this?" Cait asks.

He stares at her, still smiling, and thinking.

He's found happiness at an unlikely stage of his life. And he'd never expected to find it here. He was so blind. And now he realizes why.

Iris had been his only love since childhood. She wasn't his, but he was hers. And letting himself feel something for anyone else felt like betrayal. He cannot believe how much this single contract with himself had blinded him.

"Are you okay?" Cait asks, a shadow crossing her features.

He smiles, nodding. He reaches out with his thumb and rubs her cheek.

"Let's call it the start of something," he says and leans in to kiss her again.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments! This is my first attempt to write something for the Flash fandom. Hope it is received well


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